This one time, I was naked…

I got on Blogger the other day to obsessively check my stats (my page that tells me how many views I’m getting on my blog) and realized 2 things:

A.  I have had over 1,000 total views of my blog since I started it in what, August?  I am amazed!  Thank you.  I realize that some of these are people who may have been searching for a really great place to eat fried chicken in Las Vegas and my blog popped up on their Google search, but who cares?  I have a few loyal followers whom I appreciate very much and it completely supports my narcissistic side that everyone is so interested in the daily goings-on of my whimsical existence.
B.  I haven’t written a blog in 10 days.  10 days?!  I am usually good for at least 2 a week!  I haven’t quite gotten over my writer’s block, I think.  Or it could be that my blog is usually an outlet for me to vent about things and I just haven’t felt the need to.  Don’t worry…I’m not going to go into some talk about how I can’t stop thinking about Michael and how my life has become this cutesy, euphoric state of hearts and sparklies and rainbows….

Oh man, I miss him and his glorious sweet self….but I digress…

I have been told that I need to stick to funny today, so I shall.  My young friend, who I will call Sassy, said she wanted less of the falling in love crap and more of the meeting neighbors naked stuff.  Which led me to remember that I had mentioned that whole situation briefly in passing and never actually told the whole story.  I don’t really even know if this story is funny anymore, honestly.  Gosh…I think it was the last time C2 and I actually spent time together…I think.  My mind is totally clouded with Michael. (I know. I can’t stop talking about him.)  I had a night to myself and had gone over to C2’s house for some drinks and topless swimming.  He has a large backyard with a pool and what I thought were non-nosey, non-existent neighbors.  I arrive, put on my swimsuit bottoms, parade right into the backyard (while C2 was making me a margarita) and dive into the pool.  Ahhhhhh…..I love swimming…I adore topless swimming.  I pop my head up and open my eyes, at which time I’m greeted by his neighbor popping his head over the back wall and watching me!  I was slightly taken aback!  I’m treading water in the middle of the pool, crossing my arms over my chest, as he introduces himself.  His name is Manny.  He asks me if I just bought the house and how much I paid for it.  I said it was my friend’s house, that yes, it was a foreclosure…

“You’re not topless, are you??”

Ummmmm….what do I say, here?  I should have said yes.  I know that now.  He probably would have left me alone.  I told him no. LOL.  He apologized for popping his head over and went back to his side of the wall.  I swam over to the side of the pool and was processing the whole thing, when, hello! Manny pops his head back over….

to introduce me to his friend.

I can imagine the conversation that went on in those 2 measly minutes.

“Dude. It was a chick in the pool and she’s totally topless.”
“No way!”
“Yes! Come look!”
“Are you fucking with me, man?”
“No! I swear! I met her!”

Luckily, I was still against the side of the pool, but at this point I pretty much said fuck it.  I had my arms out of the pool, hanging on the side, and carried on a nice conversation with the guys.  By the end, I had an open invitation to his house…he lives alone in that big house (he managed to work that into the conversation like 4 times).  And if I ever need absolutely anything…I can come to him.  Topless, of course.

They left, C2 came out with my drink, and I told him what happened.  I probably should have gotten out of the pool and gone over to Manny’s house.  They enjoyed my toplessness, were much cuter than C2, and weren’t complete assholes.  Oh well.
In a complicated twist today, I got a text from C1’s wife.  All it said was “Hello”.  On all days, it has to be the day that my phone isn’t working because I haven’t paid my bill.  This means that, strangely, I can get texts, but can’t respond.  It seems like a cruel joke being played on me by the universe.  I knew I should have gone at lunch and made my payment.  What the hell does SHE want?  I don’t know if I should even answer her.

So, tomorrow night I have Sailor Girl’s birthday party to go to.  That should provide at least 1 or 2 good stories.  We also have Thanksgiving coming up next week…that’s exciting.  Mike is meeting my mom for the first time, we’re being all domestic and cooking dinner together, and I’m sure there will be a good kid quote in the mix somewhere.  Kid’s faces say so much…especially the mouth part of the face.

Updates to come soon, I assure you.

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One thought on “This one time, I was naked…

  1. Pingback: Have Minivan, Will Travel. | Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas

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