I drive an old truck. It gets me where I need to go and does its job pretty well most of the time. Right now, though, it has this thing happening with the driver door. Occasionally, it will lock itself when I shut it. This wouldn’t be a big deal…except I don’t have keys for the locks on my doors. I have an ignition key only. So, when this happens, I have to do one of two things. I either a) have to go around to the other side and climb across or b) have to go around to the other side, reach over and unlock the driver door, then get out and walk around and get in the right way. As you can see, both ways involve getting through the passenger door. Unless, by some miracle, I’ve left my window down enough and I can just reach in and unlock it.
At lunch today, I was being sent to pick up food for my boss. I went out to the truck and the door was locked. No biggie. I walked around to the other side and I was parked less than a foot away from a pole. I opened the door and stared at the space that my body was supposed to fit through. It was laughable, but I tried to shove my ass through it anyway. That shit was NOT happening. So, I walked around to the driver’s side and pulled on the door. It didn’t budge. I pulled on it again. No luck. I pulled on it again and just about ripped the handle off. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I did the only thing I could do. I went around to the passenger side, opened the door, squeezed the top half of my body in, rolled down the window, threw my shit in the seat, climbed in the back of my truck, stood up and hit my head on the parking structure, held on to the truck and the pole, and climbed in Dukes of Hazzard style. I was a little afraid that I would lose my balance and fall and hurt myself…my equilibrium is not what it used to be lately…but I didn’t!
I sure hope someone didn’t see me. That would’ve been YouTube material.