While browsing Pinterest today, I came across a tip on child raising.  Someone had pinned the picture below and I looked at it thinking that it was a list of milestones for babies to achieve. Nope.  It’s a list of milestones for older children in order for them to “function” in the real world by the end of highschool.

Let’s just say that I feel like I have completely failed my older children.  I’m very tempted to begin this list, though…and follow it completely with Gummy.  I think Mike will be on board, because seriously, we’ll never marry off some super human who is capable of doing everything herself; she’ll intimidate the hell out of men.  She may not even be able to get a date, much less keep a husband.  Just ask Michelle Duggar if you don’t believe me.

I have to admit that what I do like about this list is that it is not broken into male/female categories.  I am a firm believer that women should know how to fix things and that men should know how to do laundry, clean, and sew.  It’s quite sexy.
I’m pretty sure it’s proven that if a man wants to make his wife or significant other horny, he just needs to do some housework…and let her watch.  And make her some dinner with some awesome dessert.  Then maybe rub her back and play with her boobs a little. Rawr.  I guess we all know where my mind is lately.  I completely got off the subject of my failed parenting!
Is it hot in here or is that just my pregnancy hot flashes?



7 thoughts on “FAIL.

  1. Wow. I wouldn’t even think of letting my five and six year olds near the stove, but that’s just me. I have a hard enough time keeping them from hurting themselves just walking. >.<

  2. There’s so many things I like about this post:

    1. Fail is my 7 1/2 yr old boy’s favorite word. And I “fail” often;
    2. Pinterest…. If crack was on cocaine…
    3. That list… And it only comes into my life after two kids…

    As he is about to turn 8, I’ll have to read him scriptures and talk sex with him… Now that won’t f*ck him up.

    Great post.

    • Thank you! My first two are doomed…unless I start teaching my 12 yr old the workings of a debit card and the fine art of ordering shit online, as this list says I should. Yeah right. I’ll get right on that.
      I think the only plus-side of this list is that once we teach our children to do all these things, we don’t have to do any of it ourselves. Minions for the win!

      • And let’s face it, it’s minions we’re raising, right? The love of a kid is so overrated when you think about all the shit you can get away if you train them well…

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