What About Me?

It’s week 6 postpartum.  I seriously can’t believe the weeks are going by this fast.  The Gummy Bear is growing rapidly, has had her first real smile, and coos at the people she likes.  This means her daddy and I. All other people can suck it.

1 month old, bitches!

Truthfully, she takes well to other people holding her and is happy to smile and coo at anyone who will take the time to talk to her (she also likes to coo at the towels hanging in the bathroom, the bee on her play mirror, and most of her toys…so don’t feel special).  She eats like a horse and when she roots around when she’s super hungry, she looks like some baby zombie, shaking her head about and making cute little grunting sounds.  It’s truly adorable.  We’re all smitten and she is completely content to have everyone’s undivided attention 100% of the time.
Which leads us to the title of the blog.
We’re all happy to have Gummy in our lives and taking care of her is more of a joy than a nuisance, but we all can’t help but suffer from What-About-Me Syndrome.  What is that, you ask?  Well isn’t it a little self-explanatory?  We’re all thinking, “We love baby, but what the fuck about me?”.  We have all become a little selfish in our existence.  We want what we want when we want it, whether that is playing a game with mom and dad, watching a movie without pausing it, eating dinner at the same time, just a few more minutes of attention, or goddess forbid – actually getting some alone time with my husband that isn’t interrupted by a child coming in the room asking me to play a game or a baby crying (did I say that?).

We’re all working on getting adjusted.  Me, especially.

I try not to show it, but this transition is hard.  One minute, I’m pregnant. Everything is about me and my comfort and keeping me happy because I might turn into a raging bitch.  I got used to that attention.  Then, suddenly, I’m laying in a hospital bed with a baby being wheeled into my room and from that moment on everything is about that small being.  And that is ok.  It’s still ok at this very moment.  It will be ok forever because she is my child.  As a parent of older children I know that gradually I will get more time to do what I want to do.  But, when I originally began this post 2 weeks ago, it was really beginning to wear me down.  Caring for anyone that is completely dependent on you is emotionally and physically exhausting, even more so when you aren’t replenishing the energy you put out.
I am a control freak and I do not ask for help.  I think I’ve mentioned that before.  I also don’t communicate well and don’t ask for the things that I need for myself and sometimes, my sanity.
The kids are home on summer vacation and I am home with them and the baby all day.  This also includes my 14-year-old step-son, who is staying with us until the end of July.  He really likes to talk, really likes to entertain those around him, really likes to be interacted with, and really wants to spend time with his dad. That’s all fine and dandy, but I would like to spend time with his dad, too. What I’d like is to spend time with his dad having sex, but that’s not happening until I get the ok from the doctor (tomorrow!) or one of us can stay awake for more than a few minutes at night (probably never!).
But, between being followed around the house all day, all the kids hanging out and playing in my room because they think that the baby is the most interesting thing on the planet, the baby needing my attention, and trying to do some housework here and there, I am going berserk.  Add on top of all that the lingering hormones, little sleep, and inability to fornicate or even have a few minutes alone with my husband to have a conversation…and you have nothing short of a ticking time bomb.  I’ve lost it and cried a few times (crying is better than screaming, isn’t it?).  Maybe I should start taking the Pollyanna approach to life again to keep some sanity.

Pollyanna Chicken says:
Even though I can’t have sex yet, at least I’m able to drink.  And I still have not taken up day drinking, which I’m still counting as a good sign.  I’ve been making and eating cupcakes, which is really tasty.
I’m able to get back into the gym again this week, to get off those last 10 pesky pregnancy pounds, plus the tasty cupcakes I keep eating.
The baby is beginning to sleep better at night and I’m not feeling sleep deprived during the day (as long as I have a million cups of coffee).  In fact, I think that if we can get Mike to stay awake too, we’ll be able to knock the boots and relieve some pent-up stress. 
If not, then you’ll get your adult-only time eventually…there is no need to be jealous of a baby who gets kisses or a boy who needs time with his dad.
It may seem like there is always something to be done, the house will never stay clean, and there will always be children around to invade my space…but one glorious day the children will grow up and move out.  And I will hire a maid.

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One thought on “What About Me?

  1. Pingback: It’s The Little Things. | Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas

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