Last night started out like any other.
Gummy wouldn’t sleep in her crib. She woke up less than 30 minutes after I had laid her down. I fought to try to keep her there, but not very hard. After a few attempts at comforting her back to sleep, I picked her up and placed her in our bed. She responded to this by laying diagonal, spreading out in “starfish pose”, and immediately drifting off to sleep. I wish I knew what it was about our bed that makes her sleep so soundly. We weren’t even in it.
When we were ready to retire to our room for the night, I moved the baby closer to my side. I try to give Mike a majority of the bed, but most of the time it doesn’t really work out that way.
We all toss and turn throughout the night, trying to get/stay comfortable. Mike, poor thing, is usually banished to the chair in our room – sneaking back into the bed when I move Gummy and make room for him. We, the parents, generally sleep like shit. I don’t remember the last time we had a satisfying night’s sleep.
Last night seemed more uncomfortable than usual. It must have been the Mommy Sandwich baby and daddy were making. I had baby facing me, leg propped up on me and hand on my face. I had daddy, using my waist like a pillow and spooning my butt. I was being smothered with love and I really had to pee. I wish there would have been someone around to take a picture, because it would have been perfect for this year’s Christmas card. We could have just photoshopped the other kids in and it would be a love casserole, instead of a sandwich.
About 4:30am, when I was free of my family’s loving bodies, I saw my opportunity to get up, stretch a little, and finally release all the fluids that had built up in my bladder. I stood up, sans glasses, and grabbed the big ass plastic cup of water on my nightstand. I was parched. I do not know what the hell happened, but somehow, I lost my grip on the cup and the whole thing spilled out on to the bed. And on to the baby. The. Whole. Fucking. Thing. I couldn’t see, because without my glasses I should probably be declared legally blind – so, I’m feeling all over my side of the bed with my hands and the baby starts to cry because she was warm and asleep and now she’s all cold and wet…
it was awful. And sort of hilarious.
I changed the baby into dry clothes and we both climbed into Mike’s side of the bed, while he got towels to try to soak up some of the water. I realized my clothes were wet, but it didn’t matter. It was 4:45am, my husband was sent to the chair again and I had to get that baby to stay asleep. My alarm was going to go off in 15 min, it was on the opposite side of the bed, and it was going to ruin any progress that I had made getting the baby to sleep if I allowed it to go off for an extended period. And holy shit I still had to pee.
Luckily, it all worked out. Gummy went back to sleep, I was up before my alarm this morning, and I finally got to relieve myself.
Mike says that I was passive aggressively getting back at the baby for taking over our bed. I’ll just blame it on my clumsiness.
- Ferberize THIS (southernfriedinvegas.com)